I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
