we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
