You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
