Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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