me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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