Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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