Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
