Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
