She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
