get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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