So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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