I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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