Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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