I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
