I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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