So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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