I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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