Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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