you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My room smells like vodka and shame
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
