I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
