I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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