There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
