Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
