On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
