i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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