No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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