no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
