Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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