I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
