I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
