So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
