You just made me feel so damn special
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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