i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
