how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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