Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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