Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
