She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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