She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
