You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
