Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
