did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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