I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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