i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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