Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i need some magic done to my vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
