yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
