And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
