Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
