so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
