whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
