You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
