You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
me + whiskey = a bad person
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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