That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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