im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
